lelaki buaya darat, BUSET!!

ga tau kenapa ya, tadi pas saya lagi baca komik, tiba" aja keinget ama sebuah kisah cinta *ceilah* saya yang pahit dan menyakitkan waktu kelas 1 esema dulu.. haha. pahit dan
menyakitkan. yeah, like that.

***

kalo ga salah waktu itu bulan september ato oktober gitu, pas bulan puasa, kelas satu esema. saya didaulat temen" sekelas, x-3, buat ikut lomba cerdas cermat ramadhan. apparently, mereka tertipu ama penampakan saya yang pake krudung, dan emang sekelas itu cuma saya yang pake. jadilah saya dipilih secara unanimous decision, disuruh ikut sama Mawar (nama asli lho!), temen sekelas saya yang rumahnya Mangkang --> informasi ga penting..

terus pas hari apaaa gitu saya lupa, pokoknya siang", hari lombanya, saya ama mawar ngejogrok di mushalla sekolah, lokasi lomba ybs. uda aja kita nunggu lama, lombanya kayaknya molor. dan saya ngeliatin sekeliling. anak" kelas laen pada baca Qur'an ato bawa" buku teks Agama Islam gitu. sayanya cuma cengo aja cengar cengir di mushalla sambil ngecengin kakak" kelas. hahaha.

neways, pas lagi nunggu itulah pertama kalinya saya liat dia. jerejerejererengg. dia lagi ketawa" ama tmen"nya. anaknya tinggi gede, mukanya agak arab gitu. dan kayak di pilem", saya langsung tersepona ama tampangnya. dan dengan begonya saya bengong aja gitu ngeliatin dia sambil mulut nganga. untung ga ngiler. setelah beberapa saat saya stay di pose bodoh seperti itu, mendadak..

DIA NENGOK KE ARAH SAYA.

fyi, saya masih melongo. terus.. DIA SENYUM KE SAYAAA!!!! err, at least keliatannya dia senyum. gatau deh kalo dalam hati dia ketawa guling" ngetawain saya yang mangap dengan indahnya ngeliat muke dia. hahaha

dan beberapa bulan pun berlalu tanpa ada apa".. saya sempet jadian ama cowok laen, malah. hahaha *digampar*

terus awal februari, saya ketemu dia lagi. lagi jalan sama Rendra, temen sekelas saya. OHEMJI. lama tak jumpa, dia makin mancung saja xP. abis itu, saya langsung todong Rendra. saya mintain nomer hapenya doooong. dan dapet, saya inget banget, hari itu hari rebo. saya dapet nomer hape si kakak-kelas-yang-ganteng-dan-keliatannya-baik-tapi-sebenernya-brengsek ini!! hoahaha

sminggu sebelum Valentine, saya sms dia, dan ditanggepin dengan sangat baik sekali sama dia. itulah satu"nya saat saya sms dia duluan. abis hari itu, tiap hari dia sms saya duluan. nanya basa-basi, "uda belajar?" "uda maem?" "uda sholat?" "uda mandi?" and so on lah. kalo dipikir" sekarang sih harusnya saya curiga ama dia. belom pernah ketemu, dan baru smsan beberapa kali uda kaya gitu. harusnya saya nyadar dia emang cowo ga bener. player. tapi karena waktu itu saya sedang teler, saya mah hepi" ajah dismsin gitu haha.

terus Valentine pun tiba. saya uda beli coklat buat dia. akhirnya pulang skolah, kita ketemu. dia senyum, saya lemes. terus saya kasi coklatnya, dia bilang makasih, dan saya pun melayang jauh. terus lari pulang. hahaha

sorenya, dia sms saya. saya ingeeeet banget bunyi smsnya. "eh cha, coklatnya enak. aku suka banget. makasih ya. langsung abis nih. hehehehe." oh em ji. wahai para gadis, bagaimana kalian tidak termehek"?!! saya makin terjerumus ama dia. sial.

beberapa hari kemudian, dia ngajak saya jalan pulang sekolah. yatuhan, saya seneng bangeeet. dandan dandan deh tuh pulang skolah. pake bedak, parfum, dkk, yang saya ga pernah pake sebelumnya, saya pakein semua. dia bilang, "tunggu di kantin yaa.."

saya ke kantin, ada dia. dia nyamperin saya, terus bilang, "sori, aku ga bisa jalan. mendadak ada rapat eskul cha. aku ketuanya, jadi harus dateng. maaf banget ya.. maaaaaf banget. lain kali pasti bisa.." edun, saya sedih banget. tapi demi ngeliat muka(ganteng)nya yang keliatan bersalah banget, saya maafin deh dia. saya pikir, okelah, dia emang ketuanya sih. lagian di bilang "lain kali" kan? hoho. harapan kosong saya membesar..

abis itu, kita masi rutin smsan. dan entah saya yang bego ato gimana, dia beberapa kali ngajakin saya jalan, dan selalu ngebatalin dengan berbagai macam alasan. dan selalu saya maafkan. harusnya saya sadar. harusnya..

akhirnya saya ga tahan lagi. saya bilang sama dia that I have a thing about him. bukan nembak, cuma bilang. biar lega gitu. lagian saya juga bilangnya bukan yg "aku tuh cinta sama kamu, uda lama bla bla bla bla." gila aja ya. harga diri, men! (padahal kalo dipikir" yah, harga diri saya uda lama runtuh kali depan dia).. saya bilang ke dia lewat sms, dan ga dibales. lima jam lebih, ga dibales.

akhirnya saya telpon dia. di reject. hore. makasih banyak.

besoknya dia sms saya, dia bilang, "maaf ya cha. mungkin ini keliatannya kejam buat kamu, tapi aku kaya gini biar kamu ga terlanjur suka sama aku. soalnya sebenernya selama ini aku uda punya cewek cha. maaf ya. kita temenan aja ya."

"..sebenernya selama ini aku uda punya cewek.." --> SELAMA INI?!! ALL THIS TIME?! what the..?!!

***

ya dan itulah akhirnya. serius ya, saya maaaaraaaaahhhh bangeuuut. gelo ya tu cowo! after all those messages!? weladalah. ga kira" yaa jadi cowo ga ada otaknya sama sekali.

dan abis itu saya masi inget banget gimana temen" se-gank nya dia ngetawain sambil nunjuk" saya setiap ketemu di kantin ato mushalla. gatau deh dia cerita apa aja ama temen"nya. saya juga inget dia jalan sama temen saya pas Pensaga, dan langsung balik kanan begitu liat saya. saya juga inget, setiap saat, sampai dia lulus, dia ga pernah berani lihat ke mata

saya. dia menghindar. dia nunduk tiap ketemu, ato balik arah tiap papasan di hallway. dia tau dia salah. saya puas banget. hahahaha

maka, para wanita, WASPADALAH!!! waspadai sekeliling anda, siapa tau nemu cowo rese kaya gini. hajar! bantai! kebiri kalo perlu!!!! huh! *emosi*

beberapa hari yang lalu saya nemu facebooknya dia, dan ngeliat fotonya, saya langsung log out.

There are 3 songs that I listen when I am down or stressed or depressed of freaking out. These are songs with a very slow tempo and encouraging lyrics. Damn deep, and motivating, and of course, calming.

I’ll show you how these songs are good. There are three of them, and each one has its own use for me. The first song has a very depressive lyric, the second one calms me down, and the last song encourages me to move on. Hohoho :D

First song: Angel, Sarah McLachlan

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There are vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

That is a very depressive lyric. Look at how it makes the person's life looks so miserable and full of betrayals. And why do I think that depressive lyric like this is good? Well for me, it makes me feel normal to be depressed and stressed out. Makes me feel like it is okay to hate people that betray you or hurt you, and it is fine to be helpless when you're in trouble. And isn't the first step of healing a wound is to realize that being wounded is okay? That's how the lyric works for me.

Second song: Everybody Hurts, The Corrs

When your day is long

And the night, the night is yours alone

When you think you've had enough of this life

Well hang on

Don't let yourself go

Cause everybody cries

And everybody hurts

Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong

Now it's time to sing along

(When your day is not hold on)

Hold on, hold on

(If you feel like letting go)

Hold on

If you're sure you've had too much of this life

Well hang on

That's a calming lyric. This song is a much smoothed version for "SHIT HAPPENS". Ahahaha. But that's true. It is the same like when you failed on university entrance test, you were sad and very down, and then you realized that you were not the only one to feel that way. Lots of people felt the same way, and admit it, it's very calming. It makes you feel strong and less stupid. Hehe. And so as the lyric says, it tells me to "hold on", whatever that means.

Third song: Through the Rain, Mariah Carey

I can make it through the rain

I can stand up once again

On my own and I know

That I'm strong enough to mend

And every time I feel afraid

I hold tighter to my faith

And I live one more day

And I make it through the rain

And when the wind blows

And shadows grow close

Don't be afraid

There's nothing you can't face

Guess everyone already knows this song, and it is famous for its encouraging lyric. It tells me to move on, whatever happens to me. No matter how bad the incident, I still have to move on with my life, right? It also makes me believe that I am strong. I am not that weak at all. That I can actually do what I want to do and achieve what I want to achieve. This is damn good, and after I listen to it in a silence, and more or less contemplate the incident, I really feel good. Good as in real good. And if it works for me that way, maybe it will work for you the same way.

I promised to you on my last post that I would write something about the university entrance, and this is it. Haha. Yes you bet, I failed. I am rejected by UGM, but, thankfully, accepted in Undip, Architecture. And that was wonderful. Yes I was freaking out about UGM, I cried two days on a row, but if I don't stop regretting, I won't start thanking, right? So I quit being a whiner, and start enjoying my status as an Undip-student-to-be. Hahaha. Wish me luck for everything in my life, okay?

And enjoy the songs, and the day, and yes, the heat of Semarang.. hahahah :D

PHEW!

so.. as you might see. I changed my blog's templates and it was a hell's work. all the links and the widgets were vanished in a blast. well it was actually my mistake for blogger already stated that this template I uploaded would delete those gadgets, but still.. :3

the only thing urges me to change the template was Mr. Hanief's final assignment. correction, his first assignment that I had never known so it eventually becomes MY final assignment hahaha. the assignment was actually pretty easy: making a blog. and since I already have one, he told me to accessorize it a bit. with the clock and the shoutmix. I don't really like both of those gadgets, actually. I like my blog to be simple, and text only. haha *smashed*

anyway. this is the new face and accessorices and the new for the sake of formality post. I'll write again later on, about my soon-to-be university and my hell-on-earth final exams :D

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